100 Reasons Why
The Cardinals Are Greater Than The Cubs
A gloriously biased, deeply unserious, emotionally compromised tribute to St. Louis superiority.
Welcome to 100 Reasons Why the Cardinals Are Greater Than the Cubs, the latest lovingly unhinged chapter in the 100RW saga — where objectivity goes to die, logic gets benched, and every fact is cherry-picked, stretched, or aggressively misinterpreted in favour of the Redbirds. If you came here expecting fairness… darling, you’ve wandered into the wrong ballpark. Try Chicago. They’re used to disappointment.
This book isn’t here to debate.
It’s here to declare, loudly and smugly, that St. Louis owns this rivalry the way the Cubs own rain delays and emotional instability.
Inside these pages you’ll find absolutely no restraint, no neutrality, and not a whiff of journalistic ethics. Just pure, unapologetic Cardinals propaganda — lacquered with Midwestern smugness and sprinkled with enough Cub-related mockery to make Wrigley’s ivy wilt out of shame.
This is a celebration of the Cardinal Way:
The rings.
The consistency.
The legends.
The fundamentals so beautiful they make baseball purists weep into their scorecards.
And, naturally, it’s also a roast of the Cubs Way:
The excuses.
The collapses.
The century-long droughts.
And that one time they finally won… which Chicago will be commemorating in documentaries until the sun burns out.
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What's Inside
Inside you’ll get:
- Cardinals worship elevated to religious intensity
- Cubs slander roasted low and slow like proper St. Louis BBQ
- Zero fairness
- Zero apologies
- Zero chance Cubs fans make it past page three without rage texting a group chat
- A few blank pages pretending to be “creative design choices”
- A friendly reminder that Stan Musial > every Cub not named “Bartman”
This book is not designed to comfort Chicago.
It’s designed to annoy them.
And it will — beautifully.
Perfect For
If you’re a Cardinals fan: congrats, this will feel like reading scripture.
If you’re a Cubs fan: please stay seated until the emotional turbulence ends.
If you’re neutral: by the final page, you’re picking red, not blue — unless you enjoy heartbreak as a hobby.
And to anyone from Chicago who stumbles in here:
Relax. This is satire.
(It’s also true, but mainly satire.)
So grab your beef-free sandwich, pour a proper Midwestern drink, and prepare yourself for 100 reasons — sorry, facts — explaining why St. Louis reigns supreme while Chicago keeps sending “maybe next year” cards to itself.
This isn’t analysis. This is rivalry therapy. For one side.
Now turn the page, and let the Cardinals remind the Cubs why this rivalry comes with a parental advisory label.