100 Reasons Why
The Heat Are Greater Than The Celtics

The most gloriously biased, scientifically unscientific book ever aimed at Boston.

Behold the masterpiece nobody asked for and Celtics fans definitely can’t emotionally survive. 100 Reasons Why the Heat Are Greater Than the Celtics is a full-throttle, neon-soaked, pettiness-powered roast session proving that Miami — the land of palm trees, Pat Riley’s cheekbones, and undrafted assassins — absolutely outclasses Boston’s parquet-polishing, Dunkin’-fuelled basketball museum.

Inside this proudly fact-free creation, you’ll find one hundred reasons (give or take whatever the authors stopped counting at) explaining exactly why Heat Culture > Celtic Tradition. The book covers everything from Bam swallowing souls at the rim, to Playoff Jimmy breaking analytic models, to Ray Allen fleeing Boston like it owed him money. Meanwhile, the Celtics get grilled harder than a chowder left in the sun.

This book does not offer reason.
This book does not offer fairness.
This book does not offer a path to peace between fanbases.

It does, however, offer:

• 100 gloriously stupid, shamelessly biased arguments
• Blank pages (artistic silence or pure laziness — you decide)
• Crosswords for people who want to feel smart
• Disclaimers begging the Celtics not to sue (the authors are broke)
• An introduction that actively insults anyone who bought the book
• A tone of voice that would get you thrown out of TD Garden by halftime

100 reasons. Zero objectivity. Maximum Heat Culture.
Buy it now — before a Celtics fan reminds you they have “18 banners” and still can’t guard a zone.